Mobile, Alabama natives Preston Howard Sr. and Connie Howard, parents of four and married for 30 years, say when their son, Preston Howard Jr., 31, an Atlanta-based event decorator, came out the summer before his senior year in high school, it never occurred to them to reject him. There were no discussions about possible shame the family might experience in their tight-knit conservative community for having a gay son, and zero attempts at “praying the gay away,” an unsuccessful form of conversion therapy popular among some Christians, particularly in the South.
The Howards are disrupting the prevailing narrative of Black gay youth who come out to their parents by pulling Howard Jr. closer, loving him harder, and becoming his biggest supporter.
So when his parents showed up in 2024 to Pride Day at Mobile’s Art Walk, a monthly event celebrating the visual, performing, and culinary arts community in Mobile, in t-shirts designed and produced by Howard Sr. that read: “A Dad/Mom love is unconditional,” and subsequently posted pictures of their support of their son on Facebook, Howard Jr. says he wasn’t surprised.
“It was like second nature; oh, okay, my Dad did a post. I liked it. I shared it. It was very normal to me,” Howard Jr. said.
“The idea came to my mind about unconditional love as a father,” Howard Sr. said.” I’m not ashamed. It is what it is with my son. I love him, and I’m going to support him.”
Connie Howard, the matriarch of the family and a transportation company owner, tells GLAAD that she and her husband, a safety manager, had always suspected their son might be gay. She says they initiated a conversation about his sexual orientation, hoping to receive confirmation of his truth, but before he was ready to deliver it.
“He denied it for a long time until I think around when he went to college; that’s when he really felt comfortable in himself and in being who he is,” Connie said.
“My mom has always stated she knows each of her kids are different,” Howard Jr. said. “So, she’s always loved each one of us differently because we all require different things. [My parents] have always said, “At the end of the day, you are our child.”
“Nobody’s gonna outlove him more than me,” Connie affirmed, and that may be true, but it hasn’t stopped Howard Sr. from trying.
“I’ve always said I would stick by him no matter what. I wasn’t going to throw him to the curb,” Howard Sr. said, reiterating this sentiment and challenging other fathers of LGBTQ children to do the same in his Facebook status.
“Some people might say I failed as a father because I have a gay child,” he wrote. “As a father, disowning your child means you failed as a father. A Dad’s love is unconditional.”
“Love my parents to the core,” Howard Jr. responded on his share of his Dad’s Facebook post, which has now been shared hundreds of times with an equal amount of positive comments.
But Howard Sr. tells GLAAD that he was surprised by the reaction of a childhood friend and other Black straight men he’s connected to online and in real life.
“You know, my son is gay,” Howard Sr. recalls his childhood friend revealing to him. “Man, I don’t know how to deal with it.”
“I started seeing comments like, “My daughter is gay. My son is gay. I wish more Black fathers would step up, acknowledge, and show love like [you].”
By providing unconditional love and support for his son both privately and publicly, Howard Sr. had become an accidental model of positive parenting.
“I never let anybody get in my ear to say anything negative about him or his [sexual orientation]. Because I’m going to check them right there on the spot,” Howard Sr. said.
That includes checking or separating themselves from the Black church.
A Safe Space for All
Howard Sr., who was once heavily involved in their local church, admits to following conservative church doctrine that commanded him and his wife to dismiss their son’s truth.
“We were kind of beating it over his head—that’s not the right way, and you’re not that person, “Howard Sr. recalls shortly after Howard Jr. came out.
In recent years, Howard Sr. says he has chosen to distance himself from the Black church. Connie is still active and has no struggle accepting her son’s sexual orientation as a person of faith.
“Just like Jesus was God’s son, he’s my son,” Connie said. “And nobody can shift me anyway about my child; I don’t care what church it is.”
Besides, Connie said, “They don’t have a heaven or hell to put him in any way. When people stop judging and start loving, then we’ll be in a better place.”
Howard Sr. and Connie’s unconditional love doesn’t begin and end with blood relatives; it also extends to friends of their children, earning their home a reputation for being a safe space for all, including Howard Jr. ‘s partner of five years.
“It’s just like a heterosexual relationship. It’s no different,” Connie said.
“He came through Mobile one night, and we just hung out. It’s just like he’s part of our family, and all our kids are like that. If they have friends, their friends are our children. We’re rooting for them, and we support them however we can,”Connie said.
“They are those parents that embrace what the Black community used to be about—a village,” Howard Jr. said. “They don’t shun anybody. They understand that everybody has a place and that people have to be loved differently.”
“Love changes hearts and minds and makes the world go around,” Connie said.
It’s a simple, effective, and, in most cases, life-saving for LGBTQ children of all races and backgrounds. If only it were possible to bottle the spirit of Howard Sr. and Connie for all queer youth to experience the unconditional love and acceptance that Howard Jr. has only ever known, the world would indeed be a better place.
